Early this morning I woke up and started running numbers. Why? Because I have "tiny" problem with obsessive control. I started doubting my plan. It's not going to work. It's not going to be enough. I will have created another problem and still not be prepared when something breaks. These same thoughts have kept me chained in fear. I don't take risks, not because I don't want better, but because I fear worse.
Then, I went to the Bible. Why? Because even on the day I am running behind and barely pay attention, it breaks the cycle of the negative thoughts. I might find the most mind-blowing spiritual revelation. I might read the begats. Either way, God has now been placed as a shield in my mind. Which makes it infinitely easier to remember His promises, His protection, His provision, and His love when the thoughts try to come back.
I wish I had really understood before. I was told. I started to learn and then let it go. One verse and a one sentence prayer: Thank you, God, for Your grace and I need You, today. Simple? Yes, but oh the sound of the chink it makes in the chains holding you down.
I still don't know what's going to happen. I can make the right choices and still face adversity. My job, my privilege, is to learn how and to keep walking in Christ. I won't be perfect, but I will be forgiven.
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